How to learn to forgive?

How to learn to forgive?

Probably, each of us had a moment when we wanted; echoing the words of a popular song, to “erase from our memory” the betrayed people, bitter memories of unfairly said offensive words, disappointment and anger at the offenders. Tips to “forgive and let go” in such cases are often annoying – it would seem, what kind of forgiveness can we talk about when the soul is filled with pain? It turns out that forgiveness is not easy, but completely subject to our will and, most importantly, a necessary process: you just have to adopt a few tips that will help you regain peace of mind.


The most important thing in forgiveness is to understand that it is much more necessary for you, and not for your offender. Having declared in the heat of indignation, “I will never forgive you!”, You are putting the burden of not the most pleasant emotions on your shoulders – but not at all the culprit of your emotions. This is for you, and not for him, to suffer from anger, rage and resentment, living the situation again and again in you. Given that resentment is not only useless, but also destructive, it’s worth (for your own sake!) To set a goal – you must forgive what caused you pain. Yes, setting goals for forgiveness is not enough, sometimes it is a long and very difficult job, but having decided to forgive, you will already take the first and main step to finding peace of mind.

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Forgiving someone who broke your heart, betrayed or simply offended – intentionally or through stupidity – it will become easier if you admit that even in the most disgusting situation there is a positive side. One event or another is a life lesson for us, and, unfortunately, bitter lessons are usually the most useful: it is through resentment and disappointment that we come to a wiser choice of friends and the ability to value true love. Well, since your offender has the role of such a “teacher” – you should mentally thank him for this, draw conclusions and … forgive.


Often by forgiveness we mistakenly mean giving up our own emotions. How, one wonders, to forgive a cheating lover or a girlfriend who betrayed you when cats scratch their hearts? Trying to ignore bitterness and resentment will help you keep a good face in a bad game, but with real forgiveness has little to do. Respect your feelings, find the opportunity to live and feel them in full force: share with your faithful friend, consult a psychologist for help, write a letter to the offender (it is not necessary to send it – it’s best if you pour out your soul on paper and burn it right away). Let not immediately, but gradually it will become much easier for you.


Each of us has our own “skeletons in the closet” – actions that we are not at all proud of and which probably once hurt others. Remember how you regretted your own mistakes and how important it was for you to receive forgiveness from those you offended. The realization that no one is perfect will help you not to keep evil at the person who caused your feelings.

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Everyone knows the words of Gandhi that “the weak never forgives, because forgiveness is the lot of the strong.” Conversely, we deliberately offend and hurt us in moments of weakness. If you can’t succeed in letting go of the grudge against the one who made you suffer, remind yourself that in this situation you are a strong side, and your offender is the victim. Judge for yourself: a person is strong, happy, in harmony with him is unlikely to knowingly harm others, which means that it makes sense to feel regret and condescension, but certainly not anger and resentment.